Question 17 in a series answered by Dr. David Grove, Ph.D.  More information about Dr. Grove is featured at the end of each post.

Q: Do you think our public school system stresses kids out?

A: It’s such a mixed bag. I’ve been in schools that are so well laid out and established with teachers that are so flexible with multi-modal techniques, the kids just flourish. It is such a school-by-school case. Teaching is an art as much as it is a profession. And part of it is the quality of the artist — the teacher. You can give a terrible teacher a great system and they won’t be good. The big variable is recruiting good teachers. Teachers who love what they do.

• Tomorrow’s Question: How do you know if a teacher is good?

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• Dr. David Grove Ph.D., diagnosed our oldest son with ADHD, OCD and dysgraphia in 2000, and continued with his behavioral therapy until he went off to college in 2010. There are not words to express how my family feels about Dr. Grove. He took a family of quirky, obsessive, attention-lacking creative types and made us realize how normal we really are, or more accurately, how there is “no such thing as normal.” Our happiness, contentment and general healthy outlook can be attributed to his ongoing guidance and support.
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• Dr. Grove is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist in private practice and does not accept new patients. He also teaches college courses, works with children at a residential treatment facility, leads outpatient chemical dependency groups, and is an area school psychologist, a Head Start consultant, director of a Community Mental Health Center, and a forensic psychologist. He was selected as a finalist for the Psychologist of the Year award, honored as a Diplomat by the American Board of Psychological Specialties, and identified as an expert in Forensic Psychology. Dr. Grove also received the Volunteer of the Year Award by the Heartland Area Education Agency for his efforts to educate professionals in the area of cross-cultural counseling. This, in my mind, puts him squarely in the category of ‘expert’.

Special question asked by a fan.  Answered by Liz.

Q: I have a brother in college who has ADHD/ADD.  He’s very smart but has always had significant problems with managing money.  Our parents use his ADHD like it’s a free pass for why he can’t budget and give him large sums of money frequently.   This drives me crazy because I feel my parents are enabling him to be irresponsible by continuing to dole out money.  Is it really that hard for people with ADHD to manage money?  I just don’t buy it, there has to be some accountability, even for those with ADHD.

A: First off, ADHD should never be used for an excuse on why something ‘can’t’ be done.  Those with ADHD sometimes have to find alternative ways to accomplish something, but there never is a ‘can’t’ involved.  Luckily, I had a similar issue with my oldest son, so I do have a solution for your parents’  predicament — if they’re willing to listen.

Last year my oldest son was going off to college.  He, like your brother,  had a long history of money burning holes in his pockets — if he had any money he ran out and spent it like there was no tomorrow.  His wants vs needs were one in the same (a pretty common problem for those with ADHD or OCD).  We spoke with Dr. Grove and he gave us this solution, and so far it has worked flawlessly.  I just wished we would have started it when he was in high school.

First off, your parents should set up a savings and checking account with your brother — meaning their names need to be on his accounts too. Your brother should be given a debit card that has access ONLY to the checking account.

Next they need to figure out what his actual expenses are for a week at a time. With our son, it was pretty simple since he lived on campus, was on the meal plan and had credit at the book store. So we just had to figure the amount of extra spending money he would need.

Any money your brother earns, any school loan overages, or any other incoming money should be put in the savings account and used towards his weekly allowance (or as we call it, his paycheck).

Your parents can either set up an automatic weekly transfer or transfer money manually through online banking.  The amount should be set and non-negotiable after being agreed to.  So, for example we put $100 in our son’s account every friday (just like a paycheck).  If he runs out of money before the following friday, well… that’s the way life works.  Obviously for emergencies we can transfer money immediately—but mostly he just has to skate through until he gets paid again.

The week at a time distribution of money works really well.  Giving young adults who have poor money management skills a monthly allowance, is just too long of a period for them to plan for.  Planning generally isn’t their strong suit, so by sticking with a weekly allowance they get in the habit of holding on to smaller amounts of money.

After your brother shows he can successfully manage his weekly allowance for at least 6 months (preferably a year), the time frame can be increased to every two weeks.  It’s a slow process but it will teach him to manage his money over longer periods.

The biggest wild card with this plan, is that your parents have to learn to say ‘no’ if he runs out of money before his scheduled pay day.  He will have to face this issue at some point in his life, everyone does. It’s just better for him to learn it now while he has no real financial obligations and while your parents have the ability to help him out if needed (I said ‘help him‘, not ‘save him‘).

If your parents continue to let him run through money without any accountability and don’t help him learn to manage his finances now, they are just delaying the inevitable. It makes more sense to have him miss a weekend concert or not have  gas money in college  than to miss mortgage payments and have cars repossessed in his 40′s.

I hope this helps.  Best of luck!

• Tomorrow: Back to the Dr. Grove interview.

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